Top Things We Know About Pope Francis.
Posted by Chris Dillon on 3/14/2013 8:36:00 AM.

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio
of Argentina was elected yesterday as Pope.  

See what we discovered about our new Holy Father with the Top Things We Know About Pope Francis.

--His last name rhymes with "gigolo."  And if you laughed at that, congratulations, you're going to HELL!

--He's lived a clean, chaste life.  But since he's South American, odds are he has a cousin who sold you weed.

--He has a huge head.  Which will make his hat look normal-sized.

--At 76, he adds some much-needed youth and spirit to The Vatican.

--He's now the world's second most powerful virgin, behind Tim Tebow.

--During the conclave, he was cracking the cardinals up by hilariously saying, "No pope for you!" in the Soup Nazi voice.

--He's the only person in South America who never wore a thong to the beach.

--He insists that his private bathroom have pope-pouri.

--He still has that New Pope smell!

~Dillon in the Morning.

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